How do I catch financial red flags in the guys I'm dating?

<div class="user-question">Hi Frich! I love watching TikToks about dating horror stories but I wanted to ask: what are actual money dating red flags to watch out for?</div>

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Dating can be a thrilling adventure, filled with the excitement of new connections and the promise of potential romance. Especially in a city like New York where appearances and wealth often play a significant role, you need to keep an eye out for Peacocking, Over-Compensation, and LARPing.

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🌹The Wealthy Charmer: A Case of Over-the-Top Generosity

I once dated a really rich guy who, on our first date, bought me forever roses worth $500. He also took my friends and I out to a lavish dinner that cost well over $1,000, followed by $10K bottle service at Lavo (cringe!)

For our second date, he took me to Cipriani, where we got $600 caviar service and a bottle of champagne. While his generosity was impressive and he was incredibly sweet, it quickly became apparent that this excessive spending was a red flag because he was BORING.

Don’t get me wrong it was nice to be spoiled by a person who would lavishly indulge me on whatever I wanted food/drink-wise, but it felt like he was using his wealth to compensate for a lack of genuine connection or to impress me superficially.

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🌹The Designer Debt: When Luxury Masks Financial Instability

There was also this guy who always wore designer clothes, constantly showered me with gifts and small surprises, and paid for everything (including all my Uber rides).

While his attentiveness was flattering, during a heated conversation, he revealed that he had over $20,000 in credit card debt and was three months late on his rent. Yea...yikes!

This was a major red flag and just gave me the ick! He was trying to hide the fact that his extravagant lifestyle was unsustainable and that he was possibly using his spending habits to distract from deeper financial issues. I told him he needed to sell all his designer clothes to avoid getting evicted and to stop buying me useless gifts. Needless to say, I would have been more attracted to him if he just lived within his means.

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🌹Financial Red Flags in Dating: What to Look Out For

All these stories lead me to my main point. The four main financial red flags to look out for during early days of dating someone:

🌹Excessive spending early on: If someone you just started dating is spending exorbitant amounts of money on you, it might be a sign that they're trying to buy your affection or distract from a lack of deeper connection. It’s like love bombing but with money (the money might not even be theirs to spend).

🌹Living beyond their means: A partner who frequently flaunts designer clothes, luxury items, and expensive outings but has significant debt or is financially unstable is a red flag. This behavior suggests they are more concerned with appearances than what truly matters. Remember, if you marry someone, you marry their debt too.

🌹Lack of financial transparency: While it's understandable to keep financial details private initially, a partner who is evasive or secretive about their finances even after dating for a while may be hiding significant financial issues. Again, it wasn't until a few months after a fight that I found out my ex was behind on rent!

🌹Overemphasis on material gifts: While it's nice to receive gifts, a relationship overly focused on materialism can indicate superficiality and a lack of emotional depth. Genuine connections are built on shared values and experiences, not just expensive presents. Although I loved the forever roses that were worth $500, I ended up throwing them away anyway because the relationship didn’t work out.

<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip: Don't rely on your date to get you the access you might crave. Create these opportunities for yourself by joining networks like SELECT - you’ll get access to events, perks, and connections that open doors faster.</div>

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🌹Why Financial Red Flags Matter

In a city like New York, where 1 in 10 people are millionaires, the pressure to keep up with lavish lifestyles can be intense. However, financial red flags in a relationship can lead to serious consequences down the line. It's important to recognize these signs early to avoid potential heartbreak and financial strain.

People often hide behind their wealth, using money to mask insecurities or to create an illusion of stability and success. Understanding the difference between genuine generosity and red-flag behavior is crucial in building a healthy and sustainable relationship. When it comes to dating, trust your instincts and pay attention to financial behaviors that seem off. Red flags, especially related to money, can indicate deeper issues that might not be immediately visible.

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<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip: If you notice that you tend to cover up insecurities by spending lavishly on how you're being perceived externally, take this as your sign to turn inward and figure out what's bothering you! Our team recommends Headspace to help you with this 🥰</div>

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Found this valuable? Here are some more deep dives from the Frich team 🤝

✅ Help! I can't afford my lifestyle...

✅ How do I financially navigate a breakup?

✅ How do I actually build wealth in my 20s?

Good luck! And message us with your NYC dating stories!

Kristina