How do I ask my parents about inheritance?
<div class="user-question">Hi Frich! What are we supposed to do when it comes to talking about possible inheritance from parents? I know my parents are financially well off, but we have never explicitly talked about inheritance. How do you even go about it? And how do you plan / prepare for something like that?</div>
Hi Frich Community!
This is such a thoughtful question, and I really want to start by acknowledging how tender this topic can feel. You’re not alone in wondering how to approach it. As someone who’s founded ORO, I've helped hundreds of people navigate this from both the parents' side and the children’s side, so I GOT YOU!!
If you’re thinking about inheritance, it’s usually because something in your present or future planning feels uncertain. Maybe you’re looking at buying a home or just wanting to get clarity around what’s realistic. It doesn’t mean you’re depending on an inheritance or expecting one, it just means you’re trying to plan wisely, and that’s a very responsible instinct.
When it comes to starting the conversation, I encourage leading with vulnerability and honesty. A simple opener could be:
From there, you can share a specific goal you’re working toward. That gives your parents an opening, if they want, to share whether they were already thinking about helping you now, later, or not at all. Sometimes, parents even appreciate the chance to help while they’re alive, so they can see the impact and be part of your journey.
And if your parents say they’d rather not discuss it or that they don’t have anything earmarked, it’s important to respect that. Some families are private about finances, and that’s okay too. What matters most is that you approached it from a place of love and genuine curiosity, not expectation.
The heart of this is really about creating openness: not about “what do I get,” but “here’s what I’m working toward, and here’s why I’m curious.” That perspective often keeps the conversation constructive and caring, instead of transactional.
What this actually looks like
Possible gentle openers
- "I’ve been thinking a lot about my future and doing some planning, and I realize there are some things I just don’t know. I’d love to get your perspective if you’re open to it."
- “This might feel a little awkward to bring up, but I wanted to share what I’ve been thinking about lately when it comes to planning ahead. Totally okay if you’re not comfortable with it, I just thought it might help me to talk it through with you."
Ways to acknowledge the sensitivity
- “I know money can be a private topic, and I want you to know I’m asking from a place of love and curiosity, not expectation."
- “I don’t want this to feel like I’m prying, I just want to make sure I’m being realistic with my goals and planning."
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip: If you need some guidance to figure out what your financial goals should be before having this conversation, check out our favorite Frich-approved tool for doing just that.</div>
Framing your goals
- “One of the things I’ve been wondering is how realistic some of my goals are, like [buying a house, starting a business, paying for grad school]. I wanted to share them with you and see if you might want to be part of the conversation.”
- “Sometimes I think it might even make more sense to get help now rather than later, since you could be part of it with me."
Respecting their boundaries
- “If this isn’t something you’d like to discuss, I completely understand and respect that."
- “I know not every parent wants to talk about this, and that’s okay too. Just wanted to bring it up once in case it’s something you’ve thought about."
These phrases keep the focus on your feelings, your planning, and your openness, while giving your parents complete permission to engage, or not. It creates a safe space for them to share if they want, without feeling pressured.
Step-by-step: How to bring it up
Here’s a framework you can follow if this is super anxiety-inducing (also blaming this article and saying “I read this super interesting article” also does the trick hehe). Think of this like a roadmap, adjust it to your tone, relationship, and timing.
1️⃣ Pick a quiet moment
Find a time when everyone feels relatively relaxed. Maybe during a walk, over a meal, or anytime you’re not rushed.
2️⃣ Set the intention
“Hey Mom, Dad, I’ve been doing more financial planning lately, thinking about where I want to go in life. I want to share some things with you, not because I’m expecting, but because getting your thoughts would mean a lot.”
3️⃣ Share your goals / dreams
“Here are some of the things I’m trying to plan for: buying a place, maybe grad school, saving more for retirement / investing, etc. I’m wondering what’s realistic and what help might look like, now or later.”
4️⃣ Express why you’re curious, not demanding
“I don’t want this to seem like I’m asking you for something. I just want clarity, so I can make good decisions. It helps reduce stress.”
5️⃣ Ask if they’ve thought about it
“Have you guys ever thought about whether anything is earmarked, or how you want to plan things with inheritance or support? If you’re comfortable sharing, I’d love to hear your perspective.”
6️⃣ Offer them a role now if that feels right
If there’s a big goal that feels hard to achieve on your own, you can say: “If there were one thing that would move the needle for me, this is it. I don’t expect anything, but if it’s something you ever hoped to help with, I’d love to talk about what that could look like.”
7️⃣ Respect their setting
If they say “not now,” “not comfortable,” or “I haven’t thought that through,” that’s totally valid. Thank them for hearing from you. Leave the door open to revisit later.
Possible outcomes & how to plan for them
Here are what you might hear, and how to respond / plan:
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip: Never leave your future in someone else's hands (even if it's your parents). Make sure that as you're preparing for this conversation, you're proactively building your own nest egg. And ideally - keep it in a HYSA. Here's our current favorite HYSA.</div>
Some helpful resources
- How to Ask for Inheritance | Trust & Will
- How to Start the Estate Planning Talk with Your Parents – Eckberg Lammers
Found this valuable? Here are some more deep dives from the Frich team 🤝
✅ How much money should I have before I turn 40?
✅ Will I ever be able to buy a home??
✅ Is money making you miserable?
This kind of conversation is never just “business.” It’s personal. It’s about love, respect, and mutual care. You’re not just talking about money, you’re talking about trust, values, legacy. Because even if your parents never planned something financial, the values they want to pass on will matter. And this conversation can strengthen that.
You don’t need all the answers. You don’t need perfection. You need honesty, courage, and a heart open to understanding. When you bring that to the table, things tend to shift in surprisingly good ways.
Pam Rodriguez, co-founder & CEO of ORO
