How do I financially navigate a breakup?
<div class="user-question">Hi Frich! I’m thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend of four years and I’m a little bit worried about the financial implications of our breakup. After four years together, our lives are really intertwined, so starting fresh feels like a huge financial step as well. Like finding a new apartment, no longer splitting living expenses, travel costs etc. Any suggestions on how to prepare for this / how to navigate post breakup?</div>
Dear Thinking of Breaking Up With My Girlfriend, that sounds like you are going through a lot. First and foremost, I want to acknowledge that deciding to leave a relationship (especially when you are living together) is a huge step. If you decide to go through with the break-up, be kind to yourself and make sure you give your brain and your body time to heal. Something this major tends to take a minute to straighten out and requires patience for yourself… which is often the hardest part. Unfortunately (fortunately?) I’ve been through the process myself, and therapy aside, here’s my guide to getting yourself un-enmeshed and back to solo living.
💔 Breaking Up When You Live Together and Share Finances: A Guide to Moving Forward
Breaking up is never easy, but when you live together and share finances, it adds an extra layer of complexity. Beyond the emotional toll, there are logistical, legal, and financial considerations that require careful planning. I’m going to assume there are shared expenses (and likely a shared expense account), in addition to personal accounts. Your private account(s) won’t be directly addressed here since they don’t include funds required for decoupling; you should (and will) be able to walk away with all of your personal money intact.
1️⃣: Plan Ahead and Gather Financial Information
One of the biggest challenges of ending a relationship when finances are intertwined is ensuring a fair and smooth division of shared resources. Before initiating the breakup conversation, take time to assess your financial situation:
1️⃣ Take Inventory of Shared and Individual Finances – Create a list of all shared financial responsibilities, including rent/mortgage, utilities, insurance, credit card debt, and any other recurring bills. Identify which expenses are tied to both of you and which belong solely to one person.
2️⃣ Review Your Legal and Financial Documents – Gather bank statements, lease agreements, loan documents, and any contracts that have both of your names on them. Having a clear picture of your financial entanglement will help make discussions more productive.
3️⃣ Check Your Credit Report – If you share a credit card or have co-signed on loans, you need to be aware of any outstanding balances and potential impact on your credit score.
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip – websites like Credit Karma offer free credit reports that can help you assess your situation.</div>
4️⃣ Consider a Transition Budget – Anticipate upcoming expenses that may arise as you separate, such as security deposits, moving costs, or potential legal fees. If possible, begin setting aside some money to ease the transition.
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip – put these aside in an emergency fund - this is the definition of an emergency! Here are some HYSA accounts we like.</div>
2️⃣: Create a Plan Together
Once you have a clear understanding of your financial situation, it’s time to have the difficult conversation. This discussion should be approached with respect, clarity, and a focus on practical solutions.
1️⃣ Choose the Right Time and Setting – If possible, choose a calm and neutral environment where both of you can talk without distractions. Avoid bringing up the conversation during an argument or when one of you is emotionally overwhelmed. The first time you mention breaking up should probably *not* be when you discuss finances, as this is likely an emotional moment.
2️⃣ Be Clear About Your Decision – Be honest and direct. Avoid blame and instead focus on practical next steps for disentangling your lives.
3️⃣ Divide Assets and Financial Responsibilities Fairly – Work together to determine how to handle shared expenses in the short term. This may involve deciding who will take over the lease or mortgage, who will keep shared assets (such as furniture or a car), and how to split joint savings accounts.
4️⃣ Formalize Agreements in Writing – If you and your partner agree on financial terms, document your decisions in writing. This helps prevent misunderstandings later. If there is significant money or property involved, consulting a mediator or legal professional may be wise.
5️⃣ Update Joint Accounts and Recurring Payments – Contact your bank to close or separate joint accounts. If you have autopayments for rent, utilities, or subscriptions, ensure they are updated to reflect new responsibilities.
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip – platforms like PocketSmith can be really helpful to get a full overview of all your accounts.</div>
3️⃣: Establish Independence and Move Forward
The final stage of the breakup process involves setting yourself up for financial and emotional independence. This may take time, but taking the right steps now will help ensure a smoother transition.
1️⃣ Secure New Living Arrangements – If you are moving out, make sure you have a new place lined up before finalizing the split. If your partner is the one leaving, establish a timeline for when they will move out and how remaining expenses will be handled in the meantime.
2️⃣ Update Legal and Financial Information – Change your address, update emergency contacts, and remove your ex from any shared accounts that are no longer necessary. If you had shared health insurance or other legal ties, be sure to modify those as needed.
3️⃣ Rebuild Your Financial Stability – If the breakup significantly impacts your financial situation, focus on rebuilding. Create a new budget based on your individual income and expenses, prioritize saving, and work toward financial goals that support your future independence.
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip – platforms like PocketSmith can be a great resource for budgeting and financial planning.</div>
4️⃣ Seek Support – A breakup, especially one involving cohabitation and shared finances, can be emotionally and mentally draining. Lean on friends, family, or even a therapist to help process your emotions. If you need professional advice regarding financial separation, consider speaking with a financial advisor.
<div class="frich-tip">Frich tip – Era automatically learns your money habits, tracks current events, and then can take care of your money for you.</div>
Btw - here's how others are doing👀
Have you ever stayed in a bad relationship to save money on rent?
😣18% Yes, it’s a bad situation to be in
😬32% Only as a temporary fix
👏27% No, I would never do that!
🥳23% I’ve never been in the situation
Breaking up with someone you live with and share finances with is a challenging process, but with preparation, communication, and a plan for moving forward, it can be managed effectively. By gathering financial information, having a constructive conversation, and establishing independence, you can transition into your next chapter with confidence. While the process may be difficult, remember that taking control of your financial and personal future is a step toward greater stability and happiness.
As always, don’t hesitate to reach out to me if you want to discuss this in more detail, or if you have questions! Good luck with the process. Remember, this kind of stuff takes time and patience!
Saira Rahman
VP, New Investor Initiatives - Fundrise
